Leslie: What if I get drunk and talk about Darfur too much? Or, not enough? What if I don’t bring up Darfur enough? 

Ann: Leslie! Relax!

Leslie: Yeah, I just have a few more questions for you, Ann. What if he shows up with another woman? What if one of my sleeves catches on fire and it spreads rapidly? What if instead of Tic-Tac’s, I accidentally pop a couple of Ambien and I have to keep punching my leg to stay awake?

Ann: Those are all insane hypotheticals that, I promise you, they won’t happen!

Leslie: They have happened… All of these have happened to me. No, there’s more! One time I accidentally drank an entire bottle of vinegar; I thought it was terrible wine. Once, I went out with a guy who wore 3D glasses the entire evening. Oh! One time I rode in a sidecar on a guy’s motorcycle and the sidecar detached and went down a flight of stairs. Another time, I went to a really boring movie with a guy and while I was asleep he tried to pull out one of my teeth. I literally woke up with his hand in my mouth. We went out a couple times after that, but then he got weird.